used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
