Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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