I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
