1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
