Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
