someone owes me an orgasm
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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