The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
