Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
