Duck Duck Cougar?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize