this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
