All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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