He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
