A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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