Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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