Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
