??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
This baby is an asshole
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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