coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You have to summon your inner elephant
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
