"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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