she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
