I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
