i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
