I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
