my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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