were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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