Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
