hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize