once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
