what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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