Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
