they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
