Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Is Oprah even human
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
