If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
