So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
how does that bad decision feel?
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