I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Text me some of your sweat
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