oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
