i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize