I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
