I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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