I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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