People in love make me want to vomit
my shit smells like andre
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
