You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
