I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
