and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
did i walk over a car last night?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just had sex on a roof
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize