Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
