i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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