She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
