I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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