My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I don't think brook has ever known best
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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