As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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