Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
