i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
