I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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