I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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