Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
