How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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