He passed out mid-signature
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
