the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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