You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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