a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
