Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
