APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Randomize
