it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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