My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
