He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
