so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
