Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Even my vagina gasped.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
