i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
