my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
