neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
