I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
