RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
